Monday, July 20, 2015
Reaching for My Pappy
Recently I stood watching my youngest daughter sleeping, and I felt like my breath was taken by the thought of how fast time flies. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was standing in her room watching her sleep with a pacifier in her mouth. She used to love her pacifier, or her "pappy" as she called it. It used to be so cute to watch her sleep sometimes, and her pappy would fall out of her mouth. Without opening her eyes, she would take her sweet little hand and feel around her crib for it, reaching all under her pillow until she found it. Then she would pop it back in her mouth and drift back into her pappy-induced dream.
She loved it so much that when it came time for her to give it up, she didn't want to. She easily gave up her bottle, but that pappy was a different story. I remember we would take all her pacifiers away, thinking "Ok that's it, the only way is to go cold turkey". Next thing we knew, she came walking through the house with a dusty, dingy pappy in her mouth. I asked her where she got it from. She said she went looking and found an old one that was under her bed. That was just too cute to get upset.
Maybe spiritually speaking there are some pappies I keep reaching for that perhaps God is trying to ween me off of. Maybe there are some things, some practices, some thoughts, maybe even some people that were in my life at an age and stage when it was necessary. Some were bad, and some were good, but either way I felt like I needed them for comfort. But as I grew in the Lord, there came a point that I didn't or shouldn't need them anymore.
But like my daughter, I can tell that sometimes in my heart I am reaching for some of those pacifiers. I feel like I need them or at least want them for some kind of comfort. Sometimes I just want a connection to a time when I knew less and less was required of me. Sometimes I just want to relive the time when I was more relying on and less relied upon.
But I thank God that He don't raise any grown babies. I thank Him for not popping a pappy back in my mouth just to satisfy me. The path He has me on and the calling He has given me is grown folks kingdom work, and no babies need apply. So when the work gets hard, and I feel like crawling back in bed with my pappy, I thank God for not letting me.
Even though I know I don't need my pacifier any more, I still need God to hold my hand from time to time. He is all the comfort that I need.